Yesterday was Mother’s Day. It’s not something I really give a lot of thought to, but I suppose that now that I am a mother, it is a day I can celebrate. And you know what? It was wonderful. My hubby and I took my mom out to a coffee shop called Brioche, and what started out as a tea and cake get together, landed up being a breakfast for all of us.
Afterwards hubby and I went shopping for a handbag. My old handbag was quite literally falling apart, and hubby bought the most gorgeous handbag for me. It was so lovely and I am so grateful.
And then Baby Girl refused to leave my mom. And so off Baby Girl went to my mom’s house for the rest of the day, and hubby and I had the day to ourselves. I am so grateful for some much-needed down time with my husband.
So, not only did I get to have breakfast with my family, and I got a gorgeous new handbag for Mother’s Day, hubby and I also managed to go for a run together. We ran about 8.4 km, and although it is a bit discouraging that he is so much stronger than me, it was really awesome to have a run with him. Usually someone has to stay home with Baby Girl and so he cycles and I am at home, or I run and he is at home. So, to get to do this together was a wonderful opportunity and I am very grateful.
However, with my wonderful weekend, I have really battled to get my thinking under control and as a result I have felt anxious and out of sorts every time it came to having a meal. I’m probably just hormonal, but it is seriously off-putting. And although I am doing this 21 Day Detox with Dr Caroline Leaf, I really felt like I haven’t gotten anywhere. So, on top of not getting my thinking under control, I have felt quite despondent. I have come so far only to feel like I am going right back. (And Baby Girl has been waking up with these terrible nightmares, and I suppose you can add a lack of sleep to all that as well.)
But, I am grateful to say that today I feel on top of things again. You see, I realised that I just cannot give up. And that I day will come when this is no longer part of who I am – if you can wire it in, you can wire it out (thanks, Dr Leaf). I just think that some thoughts have some really deep roots, and are so interconnected to other thoughts that it will take some time to get rid of toxic thinking while building up new, healthy and positive-thinking thoughts. It is a process – not an instant fix. And I can do this – I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength.
And then I read a blog post about worrying too much – and I really felt like God was saying to me, “Hang in there – don’t give up. I’ve got this.” Because, as this post says, I don’t trust God enough. I don’t think He’s got this, and I fear that all will fall apart. But, the truth is:
You are saying God isn’t in control. That God can’t handle it. That God doesn’t have a plan. That God doesn’t have the resources at His easy disposal. Or that He wouldn’t give them to you if He did. That He would withhold them and watch you suffer.
You are saying that God doesn’t love you enough to provide for you. That He doesn’t care about your situation. That He is distant, cold and unfeeling. That he has forgotten about you. That you are a better parent than He is. After all–you take care of your children. But He can’t be trusted to take care of His…
When you worry, you are saying that the outcome of the situation depends on you–not God. You are saying that YOU are in control. And that no one else is responsible or trustworthy enough to handle the situation–including God.
And yet, that’s the opposite of what the Bible says. Reference here.
And I am grateful because God is telling me not to give up. He has this. He has my past, my present and my future – what I need to learn to do, is to quite literally sit back and hand it over to Him.
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? …
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
–Matthew 6:25-26, 30-33 (emphasis mine)
I had to laugh at the “don’t be worried about what you will eat or drink”…
I think that God has this – I really do. I have to however learn to reign in those negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.
I am so grateful that God is working in my life – He has not given up on me, nor will He ever.