I am reading the most delightful book at the moment called Calm my Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. It is a delightful read about trusting in God, the “Blessed Controller” of all things. One of the things Linda used to do as she learnt to deal with anxiety is to make a list of all the times that God has been faithful so that she can learn to put her anxiety to bed and continue trusting the Great I Am.
So, I thought that I too would make a list – one where I can keep a permanent reminder of God’s goodness and His faithfulness to me.
- 2016/10/31 – I had an absolutely amazing weekend this past weekend. On Friday night, we went out for pizza with friends – well, we went to their house and ordered pizza. But, on Saturday, we went out – we had a 40th birthday bash, but before that hubby and I went out for sushi. It was so stunning and so amazing and so awesome – and there wasn’t even a single thought of anxiety or anything. God has again shown me His faithfulness – each and every day and I am so completely unworthy of His devotion and His love. Not only did we eat sushi together, but we also had lunch and breakfast together that day – just the two of us, and it was simply amazing. Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
- 2016/10/19 – I have been unwell the last couple of days. And normally when my tummy is behaving badly, my anxieties level rise proportionately. I know why – most of our serotonin sits in our tummy and if we’re unwell, it will affect us emotionally. But, that doesn’t mean we need to go over the edge as I normally do. However, this time was fine – I mean I wasn’t feeling great, and I kinda wondered what my reactions would be, but I was absolutely fine. This shows my growth over the last while and I am truly grateful that once again, God has shown me His faithfulness.
- 2016/10/14 – once again, God’s faithfulness to little old me blows my mind. I went to my first boot camp session last night and not only was I very nervous about the actual session, I was also nervous for when I got home (you know, the whole am I going to melt into a pot of anxiety and panic thing – yes, that thing…). But, not only did the Boot Camp session go very well and I loved it, we had such a good dinner afterwards I really didn’t need to be concerned. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness.
- 2016/10/12 – this past weekend we went off with our wine club on a little spontaneous excursion. It was delightful. Not once did I ever feel anxious or nervous or fearful. In fact, we had a really good weekend. No – it was actually pretty amazing. God has once again shown me His faithfulness in providing for such an amazing weekend away and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you, Lord!
- 2016/10/06 – last night was book club. And I constantly feel so nervous. They’re the most amazing women, but me being part of any circle of friends is quite foreign. This makes me nervous. And you know what happens to me when I am nervous. Firstly, God is faithful by leading me to a circle of friends who enjoy reading almost as much as what I do. And secondly, I really enjoyed the meal. Isn’t it perhaps I put these old thoughts to bed?
- 2016/09/27 – my laptop at home is really old. And slow. And really old. And the battery doesn’t work, so I have to keep it plugged in. I really didn’t need a new laptop – it isn’t like I do work on it or anything, but last night – to my amazing surprise – I was blessed with a new (second-hand) laptop. It’s about five months old, and is a newer model than mine and bonus: the battery works. How awesome is that? Hubby brought it home for me last night and I just really feel blessed. And so grateful that God orchestrated this for me. Once again, God has proven His faithfulness to me. Amen.
- 2016/09/26 – I was in such a mood last night. I think I am tired – on Saturday I ran a 10 km race, and today a 5 km run. My body isn’t used to so much exercise and enjoying it (and I think the enjoyment itself is surprise enough to make me tired). But, you know that happens when I get tired, grumpy and I am hungry. I start feeling anxious. But, God was once again amazing and faithful to me and supper turned out to be a great time with lots of laughter. What have I done to deserve God’s faithfulness to me time and time again?
- 2016/09/21 – I was nervous. I had been so hungry during the day that I ate my lunch ridiculously early. Then I had a protein shake which really seems to just fill me up. And I had daggers of negative thinking stabbing my brain all day. I was just on edge, and I’m not even sure why. And by now you know what this means – dinner was stressful. But, then it wasn’t. It turned out to be a really lovely meal and once again God has shown me His faithfulness. Hubby has bought rotis and they were hot and they were divine. I only had half, but I realised that is okay – I loved the meal with my family.
- 2016/09/15 – Book Club. I have recently joined a book club with some really, very lovely women. But I get so nervous. I am seriously nervous and although I am desperate to go and be included, I get so nervous that all I want to do is not go. Silly, I know – because I really enjoy it (once I allow myself to relax enough just to be myself). But, last night was fantastic. The food was good, the conversation funny and no hint of anxiety or choking. Once again, God has shown me His faithfulness.
- 2016/09/13 – I was feeling tired and ratty and that is usually when I snap and my thoughts run riot and out of control. But God is faithful and helped me to navigate a night with a crying child (who had a bad day at school), getting everything done because my husband has put his back out and getting a good night’s sleep. He is indeed the Blessed Controller… Love my God!
- 2016/09/12 – feeling sick last night with huge tummy cramps, and not once did I feel like I was going to panic. God is always with me. Amen.
- 2016/09/10 – we went to East London to visit my husband’s Aunt and Uncle. And not once, the entire weekend did I even think about choking or eating. God was faithful and it was an amazing weekend.
- 2016/09/07 – we had a secretary’s day luncheon with all our partners and I was very nervous. Not only did I enjoy the meal, miss my husband terribly, but managed to keep sane until lunch was served at 14:00. I actually landed up really enjoying it.
- 2016/09/05 – my birthday dinner. I was a bit nervous, but I had a really good birthday. And I thoroughly enjoyed the meal. A far cry from years ago when just the thought of my birthday sent me a downward spiral. In fact, I had such a great birthday, I would’ve had another the very next day.
2017/03/09 – God has been faithful in so many ways over the last couple of months. Not only did hubby and I have an amazing holiday in Cape Town, but we have navigated the school year, work and so many other functions and life stages so well. I could only ever have done all this with God walking by my side, and slowly but surely breaking down the walls of fear in my heart.