Every day of the week, I try to follow a theme – about my life, my marriage, Baby Girl (she is the reason why I started this blog, after all, only to discover I had some childhood demons of my own to exorcise…). Every Thursday, I get to write Baby Girl a letter… To my darling,… Continue reading Letter to Baby Girl Thursdays
You get those people, don’t you? Those that no matter what solution you come with to their problem, they have a “Yes, but…” response. I’m a lot like that. I don’t give any solutions a chance. I don’t try anything – I sit and ponder my problem and let it consume me. And wait and hope and pray… Continue reading Finding a problem for every solution…
My father was a bit of an absent father figure. I don’t think he really had a choice, because my mother was domineering and insatiable in her need for attention, and I think he just checked-out. But, I needed him to be stronger – I needed him to be involved – I needed him to… Continue reading I’m a daughter…
How awesome is our king? Well, let me tell you – very! Today, I am grateful for: My bonus – it is a very good bonus. It will cover all the monies I have spent on school uniforms, etc (on my credit card), and I may have enough left over to contribute to getting Baby… Continue reading Gratitude – 02nd December 2015
Dear Lord, I am truly so grateful and honoured that you have graced my life with this rock star husband of mine. He is awesome. Thank you Lord for giving him to me – help me to be a wife worthy of this most amazing gift. Today, I am grateful for: My husband – who… Continue reading Gratitude – Day 16
I have been feeling sad – probably more due to tiredness and this hectic pace we run ourselves into every day, but still. I have been feeling sad.
And the thing that is making me feel sad lately is that I feel like I have accomplished nothing. Here I am, at the tender age of 41, and what is it exactly I have achieved with my life? Nothing. Well, okay, perhaps not nothing, but it feels like nothing. And the reason why I have achieved nothing is because I had no plans. My plans after school extended to finding a job with pension and medical aid (perhaps a thought inherited from my father, but still). And planning a family? Well, never on my list of things to do. And now I regret it. Because you see, my not desiring a family was me hiding in fear. I was afraid I wouldn’t bond with my child, or that anxiety would fill my days and I’d have no escape. And so, instead of facing my fears, I ran… I hid behind my no and didn’t plan or think I could plan. The irony is though that I didn’t know that I was doing that – only now, after the last couple of anxiety filled years do I see what I was actually doing then.
I am not a psychologist, or counselor, or any professional of any kind at all and perhaps my advice or blogs or stories may be quite boring to you. And that’s okay. It really is. I blog because it helps me to keep track of my own growth, and I blog because it’s a small legacy that I can leave Baby Girl so that she can one day truly know who I am, and I blog because maybe, just maybe, something that I say may just trigger a thought or a feeling in you that you can have an abundant life, that you can view your anxieties differently, that you can know that there is a God who truly loves you. More than you will ever know.