How is it that I am still so weak?

Should I not have graduated from the school of calm and peace by now?  So, I am going to do what all good Christians should do – ask for prayer… Please can you pray: I pray that my health, losing weight and eating in peace and tranquillity will become more important to me than eating… Continue reading How is it that I am still so weak?

Gratitude – 13th November

Do you know that today is Friday, 13th?  Ha ha – always have to laugh at that, because invariably it turns out to be just like any other Friday…  Sinister~:-)! Yesterday, I had the most awful experience at work:  I saw a mom this morning completely lose it with her 18 month old son, just outside… Continue reading Gratitude – 13th November

Gratitude – 10th November 2015

We’re in a bind – our financial situation has never been strong, and it has been a constant battle to make ends meet and live a quality life.  Unfortunately, you need money to do things in life… like feed your family, clothe them for school, etc.  And we have been given some further bad news… Continue reading Gratitude – 10th November 2015

Gratitude 26th October 2015

What an awesome weekend.  Okay, so I didn’t get to do the Park Run on Saturday, because the weather was a bit foul, but I am nevertheless still grateful for an entirely amazing weekend: On Friday’s, we usually just get take-aways, and so we go to our favourite little fish and chip shop that makes… Continue reading Gratitude 26th October 2015

My progress.

I started this blog to record Baby Girl’s life. I wanted to remember each and every day, each detail of her life – I have so few memories of my childhood that I wanted a platform for Baby Girl to recall memories of her own childhood. Especially since she is an only child, there won’t be any siblings to bounce memories off of.

But, this blog quickly became about me exercising my demons (so to speak). And in a way that’s okay – Baby Girl will truly know who I am. And very often, if fears or insecurities or anything is passed onto the next generation, understanding where these fears or insecurities come from is half the battle in walking beyond them.

And often I ask myself, “Why?”
Why have I gone through all? And this is how I tend to think of it: some people are born with strong personalities. From the get-go, they know what they want in life and what they’re going to do to get it. Others are born with softer personalities that need to be nurtured and taken care of – these are usually your more sensitive individuals and are more easily influenced by outside forces. And then you get those that are born blank slates – their personalities develop over time from their families, life experiences, etc. I was in this latter category. I was a blank slate – I was this insecure, sensitive little girl who, I think, from the word go had to develop my personality in life. I have no problem with that – I think we worship a God who is creative.

However, I was born into dysfunctional family with a dominant mother figure and an absent father figure. And this dominant mother figure controlled and bullied every aspect of my life. And this only loaned itself even more to me developing anxiety issues.

It has taken me a long, long time to realise that God did not create us to be anxious.