One Foot Forward


If you have been reading either one of my blogs (Baby Mama’s Blog and Fragrance of Marriage) you will realise that I have four goals, prayers, desires in my life:

Now, I have always had four prayers:

  1. That God would protect and nurture my marriage;
  2. That God would aid our financial situation and provide for us according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus;
  3. That God would be with and guide our little girl that she will know that even though she is an only child, God is always with her and He will always love her and be with her;
  4. That God will help me to eat healthily, lose weight and exercise.

I know that my fears and anxieties pertaining to my marriage are solely from my own background and my parent’s divorcing when I came back from honeymoon, smiling.  I know that in my marriage I firstly need to honour God, but secondly that I can only ever control myself.  I can work on me, and hope and pray that my husband works on what he needs to – but I can’t force it.  My control in my marriage resides only in controlling me and what I am learning and doing and focusing on.

For our financial situation, both my husband and I lost our jobs in a very short space of time (within a few years of each other) and we have never recovered financially.  Short of buying lotto tickets every week, there is very little I can do about our financial situation… except to trust God.  His word says He will provide everything we need according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.  So, in God will I trust.

For Baby Girl, her life path is already written by the creator of the Heavens and the Earth.  I can’t shield her or protect her from life any more I can myself.  Life happens, and all I can really do is try preparing her the best way I know how, and quite simply just love her; become her safe place when life becomes overwhelming and frightening.

And finally – my weight and getting fit.  Now this IS something I can do something about – there are a whole lot of heart issues I need to get to grips with, but essentially my control over what I eat, how much I eat, and how much I exercise is far more in my control than any of the other prayers.  I am walking this path until I finally get there.

But our brain is plastic.  We can create new pathways + habits + patterns.  We can rewire our brain.  We can create a NEW default mode.  A mode that leads to more cheers + smiles + feelings of accomplishment.  Every action we take either moves us closer to — or farther away from our goals and a more fulfilling life.  What if we chose to stop giving the missteps and so-called “screw ups” so much of our attention?  What if we chose to consciously shine a light on the successes?  How might our lives transform?  I’m in the midst of a personal experiment.  Earlier this week, I started keeping what I call a Towards Journal.  It’s simply a list of every action I’ve taken that propels me towards what I want for myself in life.  In other words — the actions I take each day that are in line with my top values (connection, adventure, fitness, skilfulness, kindness).  The actions that make me feel proud + accomplished + fulfilled.  Now I’m only on day 4, BUT — I think I’m on to something you guys.  When we’re focusing on what we’ve done well, we go out of our way to create even more actions to add to the list.  Chickadee Weight Loss

And this is the motivation for my new blog – a focus on one foot forward towards my goals and desires; those things that are within my control – all the myriad of successes I have each day that I don’t even think about, a moving towards my goals – instead of focusing on all the negative, a moving away from…

Do NOT Become a Christian


Beautiful Life with Cancer

Are looking for something to fulfill your life? Need a list of laws to follow? Are you a good person? Are you rich? Is your life put together and you want a church?

Let me be the first to assure you, Christianity is NOT for you.

Are you outcast because your sins are much too many? Do you want to be dead of this life you live? Sick? Find this world meaningless? You don’t fit in?

Then, for you, I may have the answer. But I will be the last to try to persuade you. In fact, I will do the opposite. Consider the cost carefully.

Jesus himself turned away the crowd. To the rich young ruler that he loved, he looked straight to his heart and saw the one thing he could not give up, “Go and sell all you have and give it to the poor.” There was…

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Intimacy – His Precious Marbles — The Fragrance of Marriage!


I have just finished reading the most lovely book called The Marble Collector by Cecelia Ahern. It is such a lovely story and such a lovely read. Basically, in a nut shell: When Sabrina Boggs stumbles upon a mysterious collection of her father’s possessions, she discovers a truth where she never knew there was a lie. […]

via Intimacy – His Precious Marbles — The Fragrance of Marriage!

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Let Go of Fear


Prayers and Promises

I recently watched a  movie and heard this quote.

Fear is the path to the dark side. 

Fear leads to anger. 

Anger leads to hate. 

Hate leads to suffering.

– The Phantom Menace

That one got me. Fear is the path to the dark side. Yep. When I revel in fear I am choosing to ignore God and His promises to me. When I choose fear over faith I am choosing to believe that God can’t or won’t help me. I am choosing disbelief.

Now I know I don’t know everything. I need help. I need direction. I need to exercise my faith. When fear comes up upon me I have learned I have two choices:

  1. I can feed my fear. Run the “what if?” questions over and over in my mind. When I do this fear turns to terror and I freeze. I shut down and lose faith in…

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Evicting the Snake!


I stood shaking and trembling.  My fists were clenched tight – I could feel my nails digging into the palm of my hand.  I was huddled in a corner of a room that had lots of wooden shelves and a wooden floor.  There was a huge wooden desk in the corner of the room.  Next to me were my husband and daughter and we were pushed against a window.  Next to us on the right was a glass door covered in beautiful white lace.  In front of us – towering above us – was a gigantic yellow snake, with burning eyes and a tongue slithering in and out of its mouth.

For someone who doesn’t dream, this dream was rather vivid.

Needless to say I was quite bothered about it when I woke up this morning.

This is my interpretation:

I live in fear.  In my home, within my family structure.  The fear is before me – tangible and real.  It is watching me – through burning eyes.  It can taste me.

This is what it is like living with anxiety.  It is always there – like a predator trapping its prey.

I have a choice.

I do actually have a choice.

You see, I have God, the creator of the universe, the one true God, the saviour of all mankind on my side.  I can choose to watch the snake – or keep my eye on and my trust in God.  When I woke up – that is exactly what I decided to do.

This snake has no place in my home.  It certainly has no place within my family structure.  It has no place in my life.  In fact, if I think about it more intricately, the snake was defeated 2 000 years ago when Jesus rose from the dead.  In fact, even before that, the snake had to ask God for permission before he could do anything to Job.  The snake has always been – and will always be – under God’s control.

The one who isn’t controlling him is me.

The one who isn’t trusting is me.

I choose to let fear live in my life.

I allow fear to control me, to control my actions and reactions to life.

I know that there are many people who claim legitimate biological reasons for anxiety.  I’m not a doctor; I can’t say whether they’re right or wrong.  But, for me, I know that I have been taught and conditioned to think this way.  I need to teach myself a new way, a different way of thinking.  (I am busy teaching myself a new way of thinking – through God’s word and Dr Caroline Leaf‘s 21 Day Detox.)  My mother who is highly strung and battles panic attacks took great pride whenever I had a panic attack.  She nurtured that in me to make herself feel less alone – like she had a comrade in arms against fear.  But, I didn’t want to be her comrade in fear.  I don’t want fear – I want the snake evicted so that I can enjoy my home, my family and my life.

Only Jesus can do this.

Why?  Because He came to give us a peace that transcends all understanding – in fact, it is said that there are more than 365 “do not fears” in the bible.  Clearly, God does not want us to fear.  What does God want?  He wants us to trust Him.  He is the Blessed Controller of life and all things and nothing will happen to us that He cannot use for His glory and our good.  (Romans 8:28)

I am evicting the snake.

This is a process and a long walk – three steps forward, one step back.  I am making progress and I am learning to trust Him more and more.

One day, I will look at my house, my home and my family and realise the snake isn’t there anymore.  In fact, it hasn’t been there for a while.  I can move forward into my house, into the room – and into my life – and know that I am safe.  I am completely safe because I can trust Him.

Completely.