Psalm 136:1 New King James Version (NKJV) “Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.”
And it does. Sometimes I stand in awe (and a little fear) when I look back and see how much I have grown and how far I have come over the last couple of years. And I can honestly say it is only by the grace of God – the God who sees me, loves me, knows me… There is nothing in my own growth that I can see I have done this or I have achieved this. In fact, given my family background of alcoholism, diving down into despair would probably be the route I would’ve gone. There was or is nothing in my background or family that would aid me to success. Nothing. There is nothing in me that has that drive to move beyond my circumstances. Nothing. So, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the growth I have experienced in my life, in my marriage, in me is only because of God’s grace.
And I am truly humbled and grateful for that.
I feel like not only did God save my life for eternity; but He saved my life for now.
So, I can truly attest to the fact that God is good and that His mercy does in fact endure forever.
Firstly, I have seen such growth in my attitude towards eating – just a little while ago I would feel so anxious if my meal was going to be late, or if I didn’t have food with me in case I got hungry, and if a meal was late – I started to feel panicky inside of me. I have truly grown in that area in leaps and bounds. I used to keep track of how much I’m eating to make sure I’m eating enough; I used to list the foods I was eating each day – and now, for the most part, I couldn’t be bothered. I have really moved much closer to the point of eating when I am hungry and not feeling anxious if things are running behind schedule. I know this is the grace of God rescuing me from myself, because I was holding onto that whole sage way too tightly to let go and the fact that I have grown so much in this area – well, it just can’t be me.
Secondly, growth in my attitude in my marriage. Coming from a broken home this is such a soft spot for me, but I am feeling more comfortable and more secure in my role in my marriage and hubby and I are getting along much better than before. In fact, it’s not just a case of getting along better – our relationship has shifted to a new level, and once again, given my fears and insecurities, this can only be God. I am so grateful that my marriage is more important to God than what it can even be to me. And that I can trust God completely.
Thirdly, is my growth in my parenting. I am so enjoying being a mom and I enjoy the feistiness of my daughter and her challenging and demanding ways that have helped to strengthen me as a person and to grow me more to become the woman God created me to be. I cannot believe I denied myself the desire of becoming a mom for so many years, and here I am thoroughly loving being a mom. Who would’ve thought…?