Feeling like a failure…

Every Thursday I write Baby Girl a letter – I want her to know she is loved, and precious!

To my darling, Baby Girl

Last night, I felt like a complete failure.  You didn’t want to do your homework, you were tired, and I was grumpy.  You hate doing homework, and I know that you do it at aftercare and I know you hate doing homework (whether at home or at aftercare) – in fact, I have to admit I don’t really enjoy it myself.  But, I know this: we live in a very competitive world, and you still have to find you, find your heart, find which direction you need to go in life, and you can’t ever do that unless you’re prepared.  And that is the heart behind why I go over your homework again in the evenings.  So that you are prepared.

Psalm 90:17 New International Version (NIV):  May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands.

I only want what is best for you.  I don’t care if you don’t come first in class, or get medals and awards and achievements.  I don’t care as long as you’re happy and doing the best you can do.  But, happiness very often comes from working hard – and sometimes, working very hard.  We were not created to be idle, but to create, and look after, and work in God’s kingdom.  (I just have to re-iterate, I don’t care if you become a sports star, a scientist or a stay-at-home mom, as long as you’re doing what God created you to do.)  And as long as you have the tenacity to see things through.  Because, even if you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to do, you’re still going to encounter obstacles (like homework) that needs to be done.  And done with a humble heart and a rejoicing spirit.

The came chess.  We played a game of chess that I won (it was the first time ever I had won at chess) and the tears came.  You’ve never won a game at school and apparently the boys tease you because you’ve never won.  I am so happy to sit with you at night and learn the moves to help you, but it has to be fun.  When something is fun, and you’re enjoying yourself, you tend (not just you, but everyone in life) to do it so much better.  And in fact, chess isn’t that important – you can give it up if you want to.  Once again, be true to who God created you to be.  

Don’t set your standards by what others say or do; never forget who you are.  You are a child who is loved, who is precious, who walks in God’s grace: not for what you achieve, but simply because of who you are.

I do feel like a failure today, and I hope you know that I will do anything for you – both your Dad and I will.

We love you that much; yes we do.

The Baby Mama

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