Sometimes I think I am emotionally broken. I don’t feel things as easily as I should – or think that I should. I think things – and I am working on thinking the correct things, but to feel those things? Not always so easy for me…
And I think that is where I am going wrong – all my focused attention on gratitude and appreciation has been purely cognitive. Not emotive – now we should never rely on purely on emotions. Do so will get us into a lot of trouble. And as my tag line for my blog says, courtesy of Joyce Meyers:
Victory is pretty much impossible until we learn how to live beyond our feelings!
But, at the same time, in order to truly grow in gratitude and appreciation for all the good things we have in our lives, we need to allow ourself to truly feel the gratitude. Thinking it is good and is where it all starts, but we need to take it deeper – sit for a moment, quietly without any distractions, and just focus on feeling appreciation for what you have in your life and why you are grateful for that thing/person/event.
For example, I can sit quietly, focus my attentions on my husband and allow myself to feel the gratitude and appreciation for having him in my life – and then state why I am grateful. While I do think there is value in just listing all the things one is grateful for, there is also tremendous value in teaching your emotions how they should respond – the thought and the feeling (emotion) go hand-in-hand, with the thought being the starting point. The thought creates the feeling, but we need to allow ourselves to feel.
We should never, ever base our thoughts on how we feel – but rather base our feelings on what we think. And that is why it is so important to be thinking the right thoughts.
The feelings of appreciation, love, peace and harmony will never come into our hearts if we’re thinking toxic thoughts. I have been working on my toxic thoughts – some thoughts have roots so deep, and have been around since childhood, and I have truly battled to dig those roots and get rid of them.
Galatians 6:9 NIV: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
And I truly believe that – if I keep on keeping on, eventually at some point, the harvest will be mine. I know this because it is in God’s word and God never lies. But, I can’t expect to uproot toxic thinking that has been around in my mind since childhood in a couple of days. It will take time – and I will just need to keep on keeping on. Tenacity – such a beautiful word.
Today, I am – in thought and word and deed – very grateful for my husband. This man rocks. I baked a cake (which is a very rare feat in our household 😉 ) – then after attending to Baby Girl who just had such a bad day yesterday, he still helped me ice the cake. I mean really – I don’t know of any husband who would or could do that and still do it in style.
I haven’t tasted the cake yet – I have some here at work. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll say how grateful I am for baking a cake. Perhaps not… 🙂 But, knowing that I can rely on my man is just amazing. It makes me feel secure and treasured.
Yesterday it was tough with Baby Girl – she is an only child, and she was crying about how she wanted a friend. Someone to play with – and it broke my heart because I’ve had that same heartache my entire life (and I have two brothers). I am now too old, and we are too poor, to even consider another child – but I am grateful that both hubby and I are the type of parents to see her need and to help her work through it. No matter how tired we felt yesterday, now matter how we needed an afternoon nap, we can still attend to her and love her. I do feel for her – she is an active little girl who needs company, she needs to have people around her all the time, and her Dad and I have not been able to give her that. But, I am most grateful that what we are able to give to her, we do.
I am grateful that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God made me, He designed me and created me. I have never believed that before, I have believed that I am worth nothing, that I didn’t deserve anything, but I am slowly but surely starting to believe that I have value, and I am worth something – and I appreciate the truth in God’s word that tells me this.
Psalm 139:14 NIV: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Now to take a moment and allow myself to actually feel that, to accept it, to know that it is true – how wonderful is God’s truth!
Sometimes, we need to be still and know that God is God – and push the negative thoughts and feelings aside to make place for positive thinking and positive feeling. And I am so, so grateful that God has brought me on this journey – that God has shown me just how toxic my thinking has been, and has set me on a journey to correct that and to renew my mind through Jesus Christ. I am slowly seeing dividends of my journey paying off, but I am yet to reap the harvest – I know that through God’s word, that harvest is coming.