Life Without a Bucket List


Today’s reading at Proverbs 31 Ministries has got to be the saddest reading in a very long time.  And I need to share it, because every now and then something comes along – like today’s reading – that makes you stop and really appreciate what you have in life.

The thought that this woman has not lived to see her children grow literally took the breath out of me.  I am enjoying Baby Girl so much, that I can’t imagine not seeing her grow up.  Or being there to enjoy her and she walks her path in this life.

And my husband – I can’t imagine not ever having him in my life.  Or being around to enjoy his delicious cooking.

My heart breaks for this family who has clearly lost a wife and mother who loved and adored her family.

And I am grateful for my own life, my own loves, my husband and daughter, and all God’s richest blessings in my life.

Life Without a Bucket List

April 26, 2016

“I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NIV)

{Editor’s Note: On March 22nd, 2015, Kara Tippetts went home to be with Jesus after a long and difficult battle with cancer.  While she was here, she touched so many lives, and helped people understand how you can find God, even in the midst of suffering, even in the midst of the mundane.  Kara’s response to her terminal brain cancer was filled with grace, hope and peace.  This devotional comes from her final book, And It Was Beautiful.  We hope these words will speak to you in a special way today.}

I can confidently say I don’t live with a long list of things I want to do, see or complete before I’m done in this place.  I carried a dream for years of having a farm.  I was in love with all things Wendell Berry.  I could picture it, the life of routine created by the land and its rhythms.

But beyond that, I’ve never longed for having a list and checking things off.  I’m happy with my old cars, my simple wardrobe, my lack of fancy things and vacations.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love a good concert, but I also love an organic dance party in my kitchen.  I love great food, but I also love a hot dog over the fire pit in my backyard.  I love a hike in the mountains, but I also love a walk around the block with my people.

Last week, when I heard I may have another long road to travel on this journey, I turned to Jason and cried.  I told him how day after day this place is losing its grip on me.  Driving down the street, this place sometimes feels so [vulgar], so wanting my money without care for my heart.

Billboards blare at me what to buy, what to think, how to vote.  But the tie that binds me here is relationships.  Sickness makes those bonds more real, more important.  It’s people who grip my heart.

Suffering has a way of exposing our theology, certainly our practical theology, where what we believe about God collides with where we live.  My heart always hurts a little when someone hears my story and begins to question God’s goodness.

I have found that suffering makes my faith more childlike, more simple.  Our ideas of God are not necessarily made bigger or more grandiose through suffering, but they are simplified as we wade through the unknown of what comes next.

Last week, in that unknown, I was smooching on [my son] Lake and the thought hit me that I won’t be around to help him navigate his first heartbreak.  I was in a public place and I nearly lost my footing because of the fear that gripped me in that moment.  I looked up and saw my growing girls and was almost suffocated by the thought of who will help them during the awkward years of puberty.  Shouldn’t it be me?  That’s the way it’s supposed to be, right?  Can’t I stay and be here for them when they need me?

The truth is none of us know the length of our lives.  So we pray for daily bread and say thank you when it comes.  For today I have a little boy who will cross the room to give me a hug.  I have a baby girl who gives me 10 kisses when I ask for five.  I have a preteen who still holds my hand in public, in front of her friends even.  I have a second born who loves to tell me every tiny detail of her day.  I have a guy who makes coffee just like I like it.

A bucket list?  No, I don’t need one.  I’m so rich.  It’s relationships that matter.  And for me, paying attention to the precious gift of today is the only thing on my list.

Dear Lord, thank You for the blessings that I have, the friends, family, relationships, even the material possessions I own.  But Lord, please let my heart not rest in these.  Let my heart not grow hard, or grow weary when You decide that something should be taken from me.  May You forever be my ultimate rock and resting place.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Philippians 4:11-13, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (NIV)

Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (NIV)

– See more at: http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/life-without-a-bucket-list/#sthash.W8TkS37K.dpuf

My heart prays for this family – the family who lost a wife and mother clearly devoted to God and to them.  It is not my memory to honour, but I can look at my own family and say, thank you God for blessing me with my husband and daughter.

I have so much to be grateful for.

  • I am grateful for the smell of my sweet daughter’s hair and the cuddle I get when I wake her up in the morning.
  • I am grateful for the smell of my husband, and the gentle way I fit into his body when he gives me a hug.
  • I am grateful for the the support my husband has given me in getting fit, and the look of pride on his face when I have completed another run.
  • I am grateful for the great big bear hugs my daughter gives me, and for her full-hearted belly laugh when she finds something truly funny.
  • I am grateful for snuggles with my husband in this cold winter weather, and how well we fit together.
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