Sitting in the dark…

I have really started to enjoy Jonathan Hilton’s blog about gratitude.  Probably because I feel like we’re on the same journey to learning how to appreciate life, instead of living in the scope of negativity and grumpiness.  And it is so good, oh so good, to read another’s journey of gratitude.  It isn’t easy to start looking at the right poster when you have spent your entire life looking at the wrong poster.

It’s almost like you’re in the dark, and you don’t even know that there are shapes and objects and elements all around you.  And you sit quietly in the dark, just absorbing – almost revering the fact that you are in the dark.  And then, slowly a little light comes into your dark work – through a kind word, a quote, a thought, the Bible, through whatever means and then – probably for the first time – you become aware that you’re actually sitting in the dark.  You didn’t even know that you were in the dark before – and now, you’ve become painfully aware.  And as your eyes adjust to this new found knowledge, you also then slowly become aware of these shapes around you.  You’re aware that not only are you in the dark, but there are shapes (your thoughts) and objects around you, and you need to fight the elements to move forward.

And then you get to choose.

You can either stay in the dark.


You can open a window – let the light in.  See what is going on.  The light may be dim on some thoughts, and be very bright on others, and you definitely probably will not like what you see.  Then you can choose to keep sitting in the dark, even though now you are painfully aware that you are, in fact, sitting in the dark.  Or…  You can carry on opening the windows and letting the light in.

And you can look at the shapes and objects around you – you can clean up your mind and your attitude.  One object at a time.

One thought at a time.

And that is basically what I have decided to do.

I never knew I was sitting in the dark, or that I was so negative and aggressive, until my husband pointed it out to me.  And since then, in a very long journey, I have become aware of some very toxic thoughts and bad attitudes that I am now culling painfully from my life and my mind.

No matter what life brings you, each person has the ability to either be grateful and appreciative of the experience or they can be angry and disillusioned…. No situation is inherently good or bad except for the label that we apply to it.  Jonathan Hilton

So, I implore you, to walk this journey with me (and Jonathan Hilton) and start walking this road to being positive and feeling gratitude for your life.  I can guarantee you that it won’t be easy.  And I can guarantee you that often you won’t like what you see (or think), but it is worth it.  It is better to live life being grateful for what you have, than being miserable for what you don’t.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 New International Version (NIV)

18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Today, I am grateful for:
  1. My gorgeous husband.  I don’t know why, but I am missing him so much today.  I am grateful for all the life, and love, and laughter he has brought to me life.  He has taught me to love, to explore, to get out there and to live life.  Without him, I think I’d stay at home and be too scared to actually get out there and do something.
  2. The family night last night.  We just had left overs – the lamb I was telling you about but my brother wanted to bring his daughter over to come say hello to Baby Girl and we asked them to stay for leftovers (yes, classy, I know), but we had so much fun.  We laughed and chatted and the very spur-of-the-moment dinner turned into a fun filled, laughing and enjoyment dinner.
  3. To see the two little cousins playing together was so sweet – they’re about four years different in age (Baby Girl being the older), but they adore each other.  And it is so sweet seeing Baby Girl learning her authority over her little cousin.  Certain things she must call an adult for, other things she must learn to handle on her own.  But, I am grateful that Baby Girl is getting the opportunity of learning to share, and learning what her place is in the extended family.  No matter how defunct it may be.
  4. For my marriage.  I have a good marriage.  I have no idea on how I got to be so blessed with such a good marriage, and the only thing that is truly holding my marriage back are my fears (which is one of the main reasons I am so focused on changing my thinking).  My entire childhood was witness to the breakdown of my parents marriage, and to think that God has blessed me with an awesome marriage and a good man is beyond what I could’ve hoped for.  In fact, I didn’t think we would make the first year – and here we are, 16 years later…  Thank you, Lord, thank you!
  5. My home.  My home is my refuge, my shelter, my place where I can truly be me.  It needs TLC, and it needs some touching up here and there, and it is still largely owned by the bank 😉 but it is still our home.  And I am very grateful for all the happy memories there.

I have much to be grateful for.


3 thoughts on “Sitting in the dark…

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