My word for the year – 2015…
At the beginning of this year, 2014, I decided to follow a Christian trend of “Word for the year”. And the word that came to mind was “abundance”. I remember still giggling a little because I thought, “we’re battling financially, and I’m on Paxil, what or how on earth could there be abundance for me”. I thought I was making it up and that somehow I was going to be disappointed or made a fool of for thinking that my word for this year is abundance.
Abundance comes in so many different forms – but mainly it is an attitude. Ever notice how often poor people, who have very little, can feel so blessed and happy because they see the little that they have as being abundance? Or how rich people, who have everything, seem to whine and complain because they never have enough?
Abundance is an attitude.
It’s how you see things.
Not only have I gone off Paxil about six months ago (and I have been fine), but my relationship with my husband has improved tremendously, my attitude both at home and at work has improved and I find myself feeling (and being) grateful for so many little things. And it is those little things that I now consider to be an abundance that I am very grateful for.
- Having a hot cup of coffee – every day.
- Or a lovely hot shower…
- Or a good job with lovely people to work with.
- Or a reliable car…
- An amazingly stunning husband.
- A beautiful daughter.
- A home…
- A warm bed…
But the biggest abundance has come in faith.
And only by God’s grace…
You see, I had no idea just how deprived of faith and hope I was at the beginning of this year. I had no idea just how lost I was. I couldn’t see the way forward, I couldn’t see all that God had in store for me – I couldn’t believe it. Last year this time, when my hubby suggested going away for a weekend, I would have such anxiety and fear, that we ended up not going, or if we did go, I just couldn’t relax and enjoy myself. I thought that I had to somehow just bear with or put up with this fearfulness and anxiousness, and try to just “make it through”.
I had no idea of the growth that God had in store for me – because you see, now I know that fear is never from God. The devil uses fear to torment us and even though we can feel anxious and afraid (as I still so often do), I can trust God with that fear and anxiety.
And you know what?
God has never let me down. Not once, since going off Paxil, have I felt anxious or fearful that God hasn’t come to my aide to help me through without humiliating me.
His gentle spirit has always been with me.
And just knowing that I can trust God – no matter what – has got to be the greatest abundance of all, because for the first time, either in a very long time or probably since forever, I have these moments of feeling totally excited and expectant about life – about my life, about my marriage, about our finances.
God is truly a God of abundance.
John 10:10 KJV
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
And so, at the end of 2014, I feel blessed to be on this journey. And in a way, I am grateful for falling down the pit. Simply because it has helped to see just how wrong my belief system and thinking were. I expected to be this person, who can’t cope with life, to always be sick, to always battle, to be filled with anxiety – because that is what I was taught to be believe about myself and who I am.
Then God came…
And He told me that He never gives us fear, that He has made us strong, and of sound mind – and that He will never leave us and always help us.
And all of a sudden God’s abundance makes sense! For me it does anyway.
Do I still feel fearful and anxious? Yes, I do. Not as often as I used to, but I am still walking this walk. And I still have weight to lose – once I can lose this weight without any feelings of fear or anxiety, then I will truly know that this chapter of my life is closed.
But, no matter what next year has in store, or if I may fall into that pit again, this I know: God is always on my side. He is on my husband’s side. He is on the side of my marriage and my family. He wants, desires, and decrees quite simply what is best for us. And having that faith is a blessing of abundance that I find myself being as grateful for as I type this.
Romans 8:28 KJV
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
All things… Even the bad things…
All I need to do is trust Him – even in the midst of the most intense panic attack, I can still reach out and trust Him.
Romans 5:3-5 NIV
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
And also, a few things have happened in the last couple of days that make me wonder if my lesson in abundance is truly over. Not only did I get a really good bonus at work, which will be used to cover my credit card debt, but one of my husband’s clients who has not paid for him for a very long time, paid last night – this will be used to cover my husband’s VAT – and its money he did not have available to him to pay his VAT. And I won a competition. I think it’s my first Christmas competition I have ever won, but I won. Okay, it’s only a slip & slide, but you know what? Baby Girl will have so much fun on it! And lastly, but probably the most important, is the fact that there is a company who is very interest in hubby’s business – in buying the business. So, either he will be a shareholder in the business, or be a fully paid employee but with a guaranteed salary each month. Isn’t that amazing? The details will only be finalised in the New Year, but I think that is some pretty exciting stuff!
And my word for 2015?
I don’t know yet – I am busy praying about it. Prosperity keeps coming to mind – in fact, it popped into my mind in September already, but I keep dismissing it. I want it to be prosperity because of how we have battled financially for so long, but that doesn’t mean it is God’s word for me.
However, it very well could mean it IS God’s word.
I will simply trust God that whatever will be, will be because of His grace and abundance and mercy…
And when my word for 2015 is confirmed, I will be sure to let you know…