If you read my post last week, about There are no “What-If’s” to God’s promises, you’ll have a little giggle at this (as did I). So, now my plan to get off Paxil completely, is to skip Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So, I did not take a tablet last week Friday and as is the norm, we eat out every Friday night with friends of ours who also have an only child. We arrive at the Spur, only to walk into one of hubby’s work colleagues and his wife. This man’s wife completely intimidates me. Not only does she carry an arrogant attitude that makes me feel completely beneath myself, but she is slim, and beautiful, and is a stay-at-home and very well-educated (she is a biologist) and they are very, very rich.
And here I am – overweight, un-exercised, wearing my mother’s throw away clothes, battling financially and feeling completely unglamorous, and I don’t have a tertiary qualification that has stood me in good stead in the business world. And here I am feeling so nervous and wondering how I am going to get through this night with this woman sitting at our table.
And that’s when I just had to laugh – one would think the good Lord above would “ease” us into these situations with it being only my second day off Paxil. But, no, I think He just drops us into them sometimes so that we can see His promises fulfilled.
And you know?
Both hubby and I had a really good time.
We enjoyed it so much! And after a while, I didn’t even feel intimidated anymore.
And extra bonus, hubby couldn’t cycle on Saturday because it was raining and I got breakfast in bed. It was soooo lovely.
I still feel nervous and I still worry, but God has shown me that trust doesn’t mean calmness – it means trusting despite not feeling calm. It is trusting when every feeling and thought inside you tells you that you can’t trust. That even in the midst of the most devastating panic attack, I can still choose to trust Him.