Did you notice?

Did anyone notice how my negativity crept into yesterday’s post?  I didn’t.  Not until I was re-reading my post over hubby’s shoulder last night while he was reading it.  And I thought, my goodness gracious me, people must think I’m some sort of anxiety ridden nutter, that lies curled up on the floor, sticking porcupine needles into my eyes.  I have had a few instances in my life – that I am hell bent on focusing on – that has led me to react to those instances with anxiety and fearfulness of the future.  But, that is not who I am and it does not sum up my life in its entirety.

The comment in yesterday’s post that I am referring to:

And God created us to have pleasure.  As in all of us.  I never like to enjoy myself – hubby will attest to this.  It seems, somehow, not within the Christian norm.  Isn’t it better to suffer?  And be miserable?  Of course, you all know this, because you’ve walked this path with me on changing my negativity and my negative thinkingMy thinking is so wrong here – because God did come to us that we may have life and live life to the fullest.

See – hubby is so right.  I can’t mention one thing in my life or do one thing in my life without bringing some sort of negative aspect to it.

And this has got to stop.

And yes, I know that I am making progress in this and I actually have my hubby to thank for that – if he didn’t point out my tendency to be so negative and down on myself, I don’t think I would have ever embarked on this journey, but somehow there are days that I wish I had just already arrived.

But it is all a process – for all of us.

Rome was never built in a day.

However, I did not want you to think that I’m this miserable person, in the doldrums every day.

That’s not the case at all.

Hubby and I and Baby Girl actually have quite a good life – yes there is stress, and lots to do and financial issues – but that only makes us like, oh, just about every other family across the globe.

We have fun together.  We enjoy each other.  And my embarking on the 31 Days to Great Sex was meant as a fun challenge to more thoroughly expand and enjoy an aspect of my life – our lives.  I did not mean to – nor do I want to – bring negativity into it.

But, I did.

And then when I was rereading what I had written last night – over hubby’s shoulder – I wondered what people thought.  Yeah, I have had some episodes in my history that are less than desirable, and at the moment I have some days where I do feel anxious, or tired, or stressed – but that probably just makes me like any other woman out there.  Or even person…

Except they probably don’t harp on it all the time like I do.

And yes, I don’t want to go back to “that” place – the place I’ve told you about, but if I live in fear and what-if land, then that’s exactly what will happen.

But for the most part, life is good.  Work is good.  Home is good.  Hubby is good.  Baby Girl is good.  And I am enjoying my life, who I am, and even enjoying work.  This focus on anxiety and negative must stop because it is such a small aspect of who I am.  In fact, it doesn’t even come close to clearly defining me at all.  So, when I keep bringing it up – it almost feels like I am lying, because there is so much to who I am.

And thank you to my hubby who brought this to my attention so that I can embark on a journey that will allow me to grow in faith in myself, my hubby, my family and God.


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