I have no idea who said that first, that youth is wasted on the young. But, I do think it is true. My most favourite time of my life – thus far – is from the time hubby and I met, to about eight or nine years into our marriage. I loved meeting hubby, I loved our courtship and getting to know him, I loved our wedding and I loved the first couple of years of marriage. Not that I’m not enjoying being married now – because I do – but those first couple of years were stress free and fun and were filled with so much anticipation of what the future could hold and what we could accomplish. We had fun with each other and we had a fun marriage. I really miss how things were back then. Now – well, now we’re all grown up. Worse than becoming parents, we’ve become – shock horror – adults. I miss being a little more care free and a lot less concerned about finances and stress.
I miss how we used to have romantic dinners at home – just the two of us – and I miss how we never really needed the company of friends or family. In fact, we used to feel so complete – just the two of us. I miss that. And I miss how we used to go to movies almost every Friday night, preceded by cake and coffee at House of Coffees beforehand. But, more than anything, I miss the way we used to feel – not about each other, because if anything, I think that has strengthened, but the feel of youth, of being young, of seeing the future as this wonderful adventure, of believing that anything is possible, of feeling like your life is just beginning – and what an awesome beginning it is. And now we’re middle-aged (I turn 40 in a couple of weeks time) and we’re just surviving from month-to-month financially and trying to cope with all the stress of a hectic work-life and trying to give Baby Girl all she needs to make it through this world.
And I miss my body. I wish I had known just how okay I was back then – with regards to weight and eating. I think that is honestly my biggest regret – is picking up that issue. I wish someone had told me to put it back down – but I don’t think I would have listened. I don’t think I knew how to listen. I was so healthy and perfect, and now I’m battling to budge just a kilo or two.
One of my favourite blogs of all time (totally love her) is the Bloggess, and she recently posted, The Selfish Things I Wish for Most Often, and in it she says she wishes she were a little less sad, and a little less scared.
Well, here is what I wish for:
- I wish that we had a support system for those traumatic early years with Baby Girl.
- I wish hubby knew how much I loved him.
- I wish hubby still looked at me the way he did when we first got married.
- I wish I never picked up so much weight.
- I wish my biggest regret wasn’t battling with anxiety and panic attacks, but rather something more exotic, like hubby and I eloping and regretting not having a traditional marriage (wouldn’t that have been exciting?)
- I wish hubby read all my blogs – because writing is important to me, and because he would really get to know me so much more intimately than with the spoken word. I write better than what I speak.
- I wish we had money.
- I wish hubby and I didn’t fight every time we needed to do something on the house.
- I really wish we were more house proud – and that we could work together as a team in achieving this.
- I wish hubby and I could travel and achieve our dream of putting a foot on each continent.
- I wish hubby and I didn’t just “give in” to what life has thrown our way, just trying to survive – I wish we could see this financially stressful phase as an adventure, to learn, to grow and to do something exciting with.
- I wish the pendulum would swing.
- I wish I had a better relationship with my mother – I really wished she loved me for me, for who God created me to be, because at the moment, I don’t think she knows how to.
- I wish I could be the wife that hubby needs me to be.
- And finally, I wish I could be the mother Baby Girl needs me to be.
Yes, youth is wasted on the young – you don’t know how good it is until you grow old, get to middle-aged or start battling with grown-up issues that doesn’t seem to resolve themselves.
The Baby Mama