What a crappy morning…

What a crappy morning.

All I am trying to do is breathe.  Just breathe.

I arrive at work, all ready to start the day, only to be told by my one boss (the other is on leave) that his brother-in-law was killed in the most horrific car accident possible.  My stomach actually turned.  I cannot imagine what that poor family must be going through.  How awful.

Then, I hear a story from one of our staff members about how her father passed away when she was four, and she would wake up at night to find her mother sitting there, just hugging and smelling her father’s clothes.  That put a lump in my throat for sure.

Then my mother phones me to tell me that her no-good husband (not my father) has gone into liquidation and the sheriff of the court will come around on Tuesday to seize his assets.  Thank heavens they are married with an ante nuptial contract, which means that whatever is hers, will remain hers.  The sheriff cannot touch whatever is in her name.  However, she still has to go to court to attest to what is hers and let them take whatever belongs to her husband.  Do I want to know all this?  Well, not really.  It is just crappy – my mother should be on retirement now, and enjoying looking after Baby Girl and being with her friends and enjoying her life and some sort of financial security.  But no – she had to divorce my father after I got married and then choose the first man who came along and I quote, “base her new marriage on my marriage, because her new husband reminds me so much of my husband.”  Okay, so I am paraphrasing a little, but you get the drift.  She tried to copy me and compete with me, and now she is far worse off than when she was ever married to my dad.  I think that makes her a lot jealous and bitter, because she can never say a nice thing about my Dad.  Ever.  There is still a lot of emotion there.

And that just makes me angry.  I tell my mom that I’ve joined Curves, hoping to get fit and lose weight.  So what does my mom do?  Like the very next day?  Joins some diet program that she has to attend once a week so that, she can “get fit and lose weight”.  I mean seriously now.

Anyway, I feel very sorry for my boss’s wife – losing one brother four years ago to motor neuron disease, and now her twin brother in a car accident – must be very hard to deal with.  I do pray for strength for them.

And I pray for my mother – that she can find peace within herself and that she will stop competing with me, so that I can find freedom to just be me – without fear that what I am doing will be undermined by whatever she will be doing.  And I do pray for financial security for her.  And for me – and for my family.

The Baby Mama


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