And so I believe…


A baby girl dressed in her finery sits on a st...
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I have to admit it.  I am a little a lot envious.  Hubby’s sister sent pics of the baby – her second, and in the pics you can see that they’ve bought their eldest a drum kit and a keyboard (probably for the arrival of her sister, but I’m not sure).  And here we can barely afford to buy our Little Baby Girl clothing – I had to use a gift voucher to buy her clothes (something I got from work for Secretary’s day – didn’t even know they still celebrated that day, but I was grateful none the less.)  I don’t want to live a life comparing what others have to what we don’t, but I do so wish we could afford to give Baby Girl so much more than we can at present.

There are some things I would love to have – firstly, I’d like a village.  Because it does take a village to raise a child – and without a support system in place, we can’t even consider a second.  We are already stretched very thin time wise and it would be foolish to say the least to add another care to our already very over loaded cares and worries.  So, yes, I would like a village.

Secondly, I would like money (oh, wouldn’t we all).  I would just like to for once be able to buy something arb like a t-shirt, or going to a doctor without first having to count the pennies and cents to see if we can afford it.  Seriously, that would be nice.  And I know we all have our own paths to walk in life, but I would like the option of at least having a choice in some of what we do – like I don’t want the decision to not give Baby Girl a brother or a sister be based on the lack of a village and finances, but rather on the basis that we are just not ready for it or quite simply that we just don’t want to.

Already the age gap between Baby Girl and a younger babe would be over three years, which mean they would grow up close anyway.  But I would rather give Baby Girl all than give her nothing because there are two and we can barely afford one.

But I would be lying if I didn’t admit to a small part of me that cried foul – this is a little unfair.

But, that is life – it is unfair, isn’t it.  IN fact, as I read on Saturday, life can be downright cruel in some aspects.  And we just get to deal with it and move on.

But, I have so much more to be grateful for – like the most amazing husband, and little Baby Girl that both make my mind swirl with how lucky I am to have them in my life.  And life isn’t about what we can’t have, its about what we DO have.  And celebrating that, even when we don’t feel like it.

And to top it all off, we’ve been invited to join them in Knysna for a week in February.  And it would really be nice for Baby Girl to grow up with her cousins, but once again, I know I’m being selfish because I just don’t want to face all we can’t give to Baby Girl.  Besides, I don’t think I’ll be able to get leave and we can’t afford it anyway.

Right, Now its off to a party for a girl in Baby Girl’s class.  Should be interesting considering I don’t know anyone and have never met anyone and to be honest, I don’t think I’ve even seen the girl whose party it is.

The Baby Mama

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