My hubby’s mother has such a wonderful saying – for everything you want in life, you need to give something up. And it is so true. Hubby and I want him to have his own business and the success and freedom that comes from working for yourself and building something that is tangible, that is a legacy that we will leave behind. But, what we give up is a guaranteed income at the end of each month. And to be honest – Hubby is a little pale to be employed in any managerial position. We know – we tried.
Anyway, as you know, I have been looking for a job since November 2009 and I have finally found a new job. I started on the 11th April and it is intense to say the least. Both the employment agency, and the Human Resource lady who did the interview at the company warned me about what a horrible person I will be working for. Here’s the thing – I didn’t have a choice. And yes, he isn’t a nice man – he goes through PA’s like a man goes through underwear, but its a job that pays a salary at the end of every month. And its a tough job – its in the finance environment doing financial statements and investments, an environment that I am not used to and I am so scared I make a mistake with a R 45 million deal (yes, folks, those ARE the numbers I get to deal with now) that I do find myself stressing a little (okay – a LOT). But, that’s not what I had to give up in wanting a proper job. Its time with Baby Girl.
And she knows it.
She was very weepy and emotional at school the first couple of weeks of me starting this new job. And it broke my heart that I just couldn’t be with her and comfort her and tell her that it’s all going to be okay. Yes, I think she picked up on my nervousness in starting this job, but also its a longer day for her. She’s at day care for at least an hour or two more each day and although she can’t express it, she can sense that she’s there longer (she is now one of the first there and today she was the last one picked up). She’s so little, that I just want to protect her from all that. Also, she has been ill with an ENT infection, and I couldn’t take off to be with her or to take her to the doctor. Hubby had to do that. And while I am very appreciative of his help, I can’t but feel I have let her down in not being able to be there for her when she needed me.
However, putting that aside, I know that I am blessed to finally have a job with a guaranteed income every month. Thank you Lord for that.
And Baby Girl is so cute at the moment. The other day I get told to “go” (out her room) and to “close the door”. Huh? Did my two-year old really tell me to get out her room and to close the door? Seriously? She also tells me what to wear and what to eat. She’ll take something off her plate, give it to me and say “mommy, eat it”. And she loves our Husky – seriously, that poor dog gets hugs all the time from her. It is way cute. I am a bit worried (tongue in cheek) about her undressing all of her dolls and insisting they not have any clothes on, but hey, she’s so cute at the moment she could get away with anything.
The Baby Mama
P.S. I won’t have time to blog like I used to, but will try when I can. Promise… Also means I won’t have time to read blogs like I used, but again, I promise to try when I can.
P.P.S. And I seriously miss chatting to my on-line buddies, especially the Pretoria one…