I love my mom. I do, and I know that she loves me. And she has been great in lending me clothes to wear while I am too large to fit into my own clothes (yes, Baby Girl is almost 20 months old). And she has been fantastic in buying Baby Girl things that we need – like the pram, clothes, bedding, etc. I can‘t fault my mom on any of that. In that way, she’s been the most amazing blessing.
Sometimes I just need time. I need to know that I can leave Baby Girl with her and take a time out and it’ll all be okay. At the moment I can’t do that. It’s a fight every time. Let me give you an example: she comes to visit Baby Girl every Tuesday night, with the idea to feed her and bath her and spend some quality time with her. I mistakenly thought that this would be time that hubby and I can then spend together, even if we stay at home. However, the reality is that I land up feeding her and bathing her, while my mother either chats to hubby, on her phone or watches Sewende Laan on SABC 2. So, you can see why I’m a little confused.
Another thing that is really irking me is that my mother will walk into our house and basically re-arrange EVERYTHING we do. I mean everything – on Saturday I had a bad case of Gastro (Baby Girl had it on Thursday) and I was man-down. So, I SMS‘d my mother to come over to help with Baby Girl, because hubby had put his back out. So, she arrives about two hours later, and insists on taking Baby Girl for a walk and gets angry with me when I say no. I said no because it was about 34 degrees (way to hot to be outside) and Baby Girl is battling with a cold. It was such an issue. Anyway, she didn’t take Baby Girl for a walk, it was just too hot.
Another example – she’ll pop in at 17:00 to visit Baby Girl and want to take her for a walk or play in the park. I have no problem with this, in fact, I encourage it. But, 17:00 is Baby Girl’s supper time. What I would want is for Baby Girl to eat first, then she can play to her heart’s content until bathing time. However, my mom flips out – she can have supper later? Why is it such an issue?
I feel like I”m fighting on all fronts just to be able to raise and do with Baby Girl the way I see best. Is it really such a big deal to want to feed Baby Girl FIRST and then let her play? Want another example? We have a sliding door leading onto the garden. When I’m feeding Baby Girl, I usually keep this closed as there is no way to keep her inside when there exists the possibility of her being outside. So, I close the sliding door, feed her, then open the sliding door and let her play outside. What does my mother do? Open the sliding door first thing and what does Baby Girl do? Go right outside to play. Then its a huge battle to get her inside to have her supper. Surely, we can wait five or ten minutes for Baby Girl to eat first? It’s just such a battle.
On Saturday, the dog beds were thrown outside, sliding door opened, hubby’s cycling clothes tidied (not sure what that has to do with looking after Baby Girl) and everything rearranged and changed within five minutes of her arriving. It drove me mad. All I wanted was for her to watch Baby Girl for an hour or two, so that hubby and I could sort ourselves out. Am I asking too much?
Oh, and the comment, “I know you like to do this and this that way, but when I was raising you kids, I did it this way”. Yeah, I get that – but I’m not you and you are not me. I have the right to do things my way. Simply because I am me.
The Baby Mama