I am so glad to have discovered WordPress – thank you to my friend in Pretoria (who has her own domain name for her blog – very fancy – but has yet to set up said blog, BUT who has been nominated for SA’s Bloggers Awards – way cool). Anyway, I have decided to not copy any posts from my old blog across to my new blog. That blog will remain at www.babymama.iblog.co.za and I will continue to monitor comments there.
So, this blog will be completely new. And in that vein, let me tell you a little about myself.
I am on the much younger side of middle age, and I am married to the most wonderful man in the entire world. We will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary this January. For most of my life I never wanted to have children. The thought of having children literally put the fear of God into me. Looking back now though, I think it had more to do with the overwhelming feeling of being totally responsible for another life and that underneath the facade of not wanting to have children, I really did want to have kids all along. And how did I get to the point of admitting all this to myself? Well, in 2008 I fell pregnant – unplanned – and later lost that pregnancy. At first, I was quite happy, because well I didn’t want kids, so all was okay. Or so I thought. About six months later, I had a total breakdown. I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping. All I could think about was having a little baby. Shame, my poor hubby, I really confused him somewhat. Anyway, he agreed after some lengthy discussion and now we have this beautiful 14 month old Baby Girl. And she is gorgeous. And not for one minute have I ever regretted my decision in changing my mind. Well, it’s not like I had a choice, there was this force inside me (but by the Grace of God go I) that knew what was better for me – even when I couldn’t admit it to myself.
And the overwhelming feeling of being responsible – totally and completely – for another life is still there. I keep asking myself Am I doing the right thing?, Am I disciplining her properly?, Is she in a good routine?, When must we send her to play school?, Is she eating properly?, but you know what? Those will always remain, because that is exactly what being a mommy is all about. So, yeah, there are times when I feel completely blown away by the responsibility I have as a mommy. But, I think you need to be. It IS a huge responsibility and being overwhelmed or fearful of it, I think, makes you take it more seriously and try to give of your best.
I also love reading, watching movies, I hate my job (who doesn’t?) and I would love to have a baby brother or sister for Baby Girl. Alas, given my age and our current financial situation, I doubt that will ever happen. However, just having Baby Girl and being married to the most amazing man ever has been truly the most amazing blessing’s I could ever have hoped for.
And on Sunday is my birthday – getting to the other side of middle age is getting frighteningly closer…:-)
The Baby Mama